I covet...

I want this outfit and this hair. Don't knock the source of the hair, the Japanese be on some great hair cuts I promise. The back of the shirt is adorable. I'm a sucker for bows, even though it's not obvious. I love trouser jeans more than anything. Bracelets will always be my shit. Peep toes? Ya, so my piggies can breef. And I think that this hair style is adorable. I need to cut all my hair off soon, it's getting a little on the messy side.

More on this later...

Point of Clarification

I have to say this to clear up a discrepancy with my friends: I have selective automataphobia (yes, I made that up). I am now and will always be terrified of sentient robotic life forms. I fear a robotic uprising. The Matrix is my hell. BUT I do also cry instantly at the sight of cute robo-buddies. WALL-E and Johnny-5 are too super adorable metallic loves of mine. I actually find them to be so heartwarming (in all their cold steel goodness) that I cannot watch their respective movies without looking like a snitch during his first night in prison. Frankly, I look all a quivering bitch. So let me pose a few examples and various photos so I can further drive this point home.

Example #1: You're doing the dishes and your wedding ring slips off. You casually slip your hand down the drain to retrieve it before it goes where ever the hell waste water goes and WHHHHRRRRRR you're sentient disposal turns it's ass on and you're hand is ground down to human chuck. Yes, I dream that.

This guy? Much cuter than the many appliances in your home that could lay waste to a whole family. Have you even seen Pulse? Ya... Don't.

Example #2: See The Matrix. How do we know we're not hooked up to some giant ass fucking battery supplying electricity to our automatic overlords? Ya. I don't watch that movie ever anymore.

Now this one is a little more ambiguous. I love Johnny-5 when he was self-aware and wanted to love. I didn't like his "kill indiscriminately" mode. (This blog is started to creep me the fuck out)

Who the fuck in their right minds wants to watch a movie about intergalactic belligerents wage a war on our planet? They destroy everything and kill countless amounts of people in that movie! I'd rather not. Thanks. This is the least frightening picture I can find.

Example #3: Let's say you're chilling in your high-rise building and you hear a rumble... Sounds like a train right? No, it's a giant robot fallen from the sky like an archangel hellbent on using our planet to fight a war of catastrophic proportions. No likey.

Now I don't know if this counts as a robot, on the left not Jessica Tandy, but this little guy is a good thing to stop on. He's wholesome and doesn't have any arms with which to eviscerate me. Phew.

Deeply Indebted

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Blargh

I. Am. Bored. Someday I will make this blog interesting. Goodness, guess I am horribly dull...

BAH!

Why is everything today so inferior to what it was when I was younger? I have two complaints, books and television. Two of my most fave vices. I'm going to cite two pieces of shit; Twilight and Saturday Night Live.

Okay, so I know we're not living in this golden, classical era where everyone is on this epic pursuit of worldly knowledge and personal enlightenment, but holy fuck is Twilight horrible. Not going to lie, I couldn't it through the first chapter. I could feel all intelligent thought wane and my smug sense of superiority melt around me. I could have written a better book... When I was 12. And as a matter of a fact, I think I've still got some pretty viable book themes rattling around my old cranium brainium.

Drivel is not the word. And it's actually too cliche. It's just straight trash. I understand that teens and "tweens" today are a little less literate than their elders, but it's overly simplistic. It's not challenging and just pandering to the epidemic of superficiality that so many complain about today. If Paris Hilton could read, she'd read Twilight.

And you know... Maybe it's because I'm not a very "girly girl". I prefer my books to be a little more on the side of reason as opposed to love and touchy-feeliness. (I can't even describe the feeling I'm trying to convey, I'm so bad at it). But honestly, I think I just saw right through it's trendiness. Being seen with a book makes you seem more intelligent and this is the one that everyone is reading at the moment. In comparison to and in defense of Harry Potter, at least those books are imaginative and complex. Read the first chapter of any of those books and tell me the caliber of the writing isn't a little more polished and refined.

Bah. Could have done better myself.

And just a quick jaunt down Ol' SNL Lane, it used to be funny, right? I remember the cast as an ensemble of great comedians, not a hodgepodge of buffoons like it is now. Seriously. Get Keenan off that show. Get that unfunny lady off the show, you use her too much and she isn't worth a stitch. Goodness... I don't even know her name, she's the one that plays the Target Lady. Ya, I liked her better when her name was Mo Collins and she was on MadTV. And for the love of GOD, can we get a black female on their? Seriously, it's been since Ellen Cleghorne and she was straight trash, let's face it. All she had was her Traci Chapman impression or whatever she could do. And shut up, Maya Rudolph doesn't count. Fiddy bucks says white people wondered why she played Oprah.... Fred Armisen as the president.... BAH. I shouldn't long for Chris Kattan...


After searching, her name is Kristen Wiig or some crap. Ya. She makes me lose my mind.

I. LOVE. JUDGE SHOWS!

OMG! I completely forgot I had a blog. So I shall continue to bottle my thoughts and throw them at the screen like a molotov cocktail from my brain. Yes. I love butchering metaphors. We gotta deal with it. 

So, last year at about this time, I was talking about how disappointed I was at MacWorld and Apple only introducing a phone. And now I have one. It's actually my second iPhone. I clearly underestimated to strength of the Cult of Mac. And my demigod Steve Jobs (may he praise us in all his glory). I also lambasted the pile of stinky excrement that is Windows Vista, and while I still think Vista is a pile of stinky excrement, I'm actually jealous of Windows 7. Good job Ballmer boy, even though you're still clearly addicted to some sort of stimulant. The Toshiba is gone, and I get to write on a Mac, though I wish I got renter's insurance and this one would turn up missing as well... Damn shouldn't have said that. 

But that is not the point of my rant today. I just wanted to state that daytime television has a special spot in my heart. In these tough economic times, I have decided that cable television was not an expense that my wallet could vomit up monthly. Seriously, damn you Cox. But anyways, I am still continually entertain by the DROVES of over-litigious malcontented, hopeless, foolish idiots. 

I can sit for hours watching people sue their neighbors and family members over the dumbest of things. I hope no one in my life would take me to arbitration over losing their remote control during the Super Bowl. 

Yesterday, while watching the Honorable Judge Joe Brown adjudicate on a case that clearly made a shamockery of his education and experience, I was honestly impressed with his wit and mental abilities. Let me set the scene for you, are you with me? This woman was suing** another member of her church for breaking her digital camera during her son's christening. 

Let me repeat. This woman attending a church service was tapped to take pictures of a momentous  occasion for the plaintiff, dropped the camera. And broke it. And got sued. For $100. The litigant would not accept an apology and the defendant would not just pay the $100 in full or in installments. 

The stretched this petty argument for a half an hour. Craziness. At the end when the defendant wouldn't just reach in her pocket and write a check for the $100, Judge Brown got grumpy. He's a grump. And I love it.

His decision? He got sick and tired of these women talking about how they were "good Christians" and how they "went to church to better themselves". He bluntly told them they missed the point of the sermons they listened to week in and week out. (Like so many others, they probably went to church just to show up and not to be talked about in their community). Forgiveness and responsibility were apparently not something their pastor had ever touched upon, or maybe they were too busy planning their outfits for next weeks services to pay attention. The defendant was ordered to pay not $100 but $200, but not to the plaintiff, but to her church's charity. The plaintiff got nothing for her frivolous complaint. HA. Justice. Loves it. At least they got to be on TV!

That is all. Judge Brown is a badass.